I’m gonna go do some stuff. I have stuff I gotta do. Stop distracting me! Look at all this stuff. Let’s get this stuff over…
When you decide you're going to do something new, it can feel like, despite your knowledge, things like passion, motivation, and confidence say they're going to show up, but then text you 45 minutes in with some lame excuse of why they aren't coming.
Doing new stuff is hard.
It requires us to stretch our comfort zones and often involves putting ourselves out there in a way our Brain is not interested in.
What do you mean you want to publish blog posts?! Do you just want to put your WORDS out there to everyone? Strangers?! What if you say something horrible? What if they say mean things? What if they hate you? What if they try to kill you?!?!
The Brain will do anything to try to keep you safe and alive.
Our fleeting energy, the Brain's reasonable obsession with living, and its power as the CEO of your meat suit (Body) are multiplied when you don't have a group of people supporting your endeavors.
We often turn to our loved ones for shared excitement and support when we take on something new.
Our loved ones have shown us compassion and understanding in other situations throughout our relationship. We expect that they'll be excited because we're excited about doing something new.
What could go wrong?
We sometimes leave those situations feeling like they failed us.
But, it's often no fault of their own.
Many times, we are doing something they would NEVER do. When called upon for support, they imagine doing what we want, and their fear usually kicks in.
Everything they would worry about in your situation comes out of their mouth directed as a concern. It usually includes, "you know, I'm just thinking about you because I care about you."
It often starts with "but, what if" statements of failure. But what if you don't make any money? But what if that opportunity falls through? But what if you hate it?
If you're aware, it makes you realize that your expectations of them might have been off. If you're not aware, here's where feelings can start to get hurt.
Then, they will add, "I knew a person who did what you are doing, and they failed" story. It "wasn't easy for them, and so it will be as hard, or harder... for you."
Sometimes you get the lecture with the "you-better-heed-this-message" ending that non-verbally promises a gloating "I told you so" later if they are right.
These hints at personal things about you, maybe even your past behaviors, and their assumptions of limitations you may have, but they don't come right out and say it.
The worst is when you just want someone to say, "Yay! Good for you!" Instead, they use something they intimately know about you, something you shared in confidence, as an example of why they think you shouldn't do it - because you'll fail.
Despite how it feels (unless they are jerks+), they do that because they LOVE you and CARE about you (and may suck at communicating).
They don't want to see you get hurt.
They also don't want to be dishonest about their thoughts and feelings because they're in a caring relationship with you.
Of course, that's the last thing we want to hear when we want to do stuff.
Now we must be angry and just do the stuff out of spite to prove them wrong. Ugh!
Don't do this to yourself. =)
We need support from other people already doing what we want to do or people who are embarking as noobs like us to do the same thing.
We need other people around us who are focused on the same thing. People we depend upon and who depend upon us to be an example of a person doing it. We feel comfortable enough to ask questions and answer questions when asked.
People who will tell us the challenges of how to do the stuff and how they did it.
Not how they think that we can't.
Here are five benefits of good support when you're doing new stuff.
The hardest part of trying something new is getting started in the first place. Or the second. Or the third. Every time you have to face some new part it can be hard to start. Stack a few of these with a side of failures, and it starts to smell like quitting.
When you’re responsible for your success, it can be easy to talk or excuse yourself from doing something.
After all, it’s much more comfortable for any human Brain to keep doing what you’re you're than it is to venture into the unknown where that Mind wants to go.
When you’re the person monitoring your habits, it can feel like there are no options for pushing through. If there's not someone there you can turn to for support when you just don’t feel like doing what you know you should be doing, it's likely not getting done. At least not quickly, likely not today, and probably not without cookies.
If you have a few people in your life who support your new endeavors and are doing the same thing as you, then all of you have a built-in support system.
One that you have to show up for.
The support system doesn't work if everyone isn't participating in it. You must feel a connection and commitment to others in the community to show up.
Your connection to that community is likely proportionate to the level of vulnerability you have to feel to get what you want out of it.
To use two lines (from an Astrologer that I super-dig) that I think to describe what we need to feel in a supportive community when we're taking on new complicated, and long term-commitments:
"We need to be assured that what we experience with others will be emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually compatible. Where others are involved, we need to see every effort that they will demonstrate fairness, consideration, and a willingness to cooperate." ~ Ang Stoic
For these kinds of groups, it's very easy to sometimes:
You can turn to this community when you need support, ideas, or a place to celebrate when you did the stuff.
It's like a power boost when you have people who believe in you, and you feel the desire to show up for them.
One of the most important things a support network can do is make the process of putting in the effort easier.
When you’re trying something new, there will be times when it will feel like nothing is happening. It can be difficult to keep going when the progress you’re making doesn't feel significant, and you question if you're doing it the right way.
You might ask yourself, “Why am I even doing this? What’s the point?”
This is why it’s essential to have people you can turn to. You can talk to your support system about the challenges you’re experiencing.
They often will recommend ways you can move through that challenge.
Sometimes they will share, "that is"how it feels, and what you can expect next is this and this."
It's smart to consult them even before you begin. When choosing your effort or actions, get input on your plan. Often someone will have knowledge or a tool that will make it faster, easier, or cheaper - saving you time.
In these collaborations, you can bounce ideas off each other. Together, you can come up with ways to make the process of putting in effort easier.
Having a supportive and knowledgeable community around as you enter something new eases the effort you have to make to learn something new.
Being in a group of people trying the same thing is a great way to stay accountable for your creative endeavors and action output.
It can be very easy to get trapped into thinking and planning or not-thinking and avoiding. We can loop on what we think we're supposed to do.
It's much harder to get stuck in thinking when you have people in your life who are pushing you to do it already. =)
A group of people trying new things can also learn from each other. When you’re learning from each other, everyone can move through the process of doing new things faster.
The sharing that happens in those situations for people can help the action or the plan become apparent.
You can help each other out when you need to, and you can celebrate each other’s successes along the way because there's less time spent thinking and a lot more time spent doing.
Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable is one of the best ways to grow. But sometimes, it can be hard to push past your comfort zone and take risks when you don’t have support.
However, having support from a few people can make it easier to push past that resistance.
A strong community group can make you feel comfortable enough to snuggle with risk. Taking risks is often one of the only ways to make huge strides in learning or doing something new.
You’ll have people there to help you if you need them. People around you who understand why you're doing this and are ready to help you understand the risks.
Taking risks alone has a very natural survival response from the Brain. Taking risks with the support of others can invoke your Mind's infinite creativity, making the risk feel like it's something you do for the fun of seeing what happens.
Nobody is ever truly on their own, even when they feel like they are.
You might not know who you can ask for help, but there are always people ready and willing to help.
There are people out there who will not only want to help you but who will also be thrilled to do so.
In supportive community groups, people want to be able to help others avoid pitfalls or failures that they experienced.
That said, supportive community groups often have difficulty trusting (or extending help) someone who has just shown up in a crisis. You need to join from the start - wayyy before you're freaking out and in fear mode.
Someone who is in fear mode is someone who is really hard to get-to-know.
Someone in fear mode can only hear four solutions which must include fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
People in fear mode can easily dismiss any advice that doesn't fit into those four because they aren't invested in the community or their part.
Find a community early. Join while you're still fear-free and excited about doing the thing. Make connections. Support. Build up some relationships.
Some people would love to get to know you and help you learn something new.
These are just five of the many benefits of having a supportive community of people when you’re doing something new.
It can be difficult to start something new when you’re on your own. When you have people around you who support you:
You're committed to showing up for them, and they for you.
Efforts with each other are easier.
Overall there's less thinking and more doing.
You can even find that risks can be your friend.
There are more and more niche communities available online every day. These communities focus on doing just one or two things for specific groups, interests, talents, goals, and more.
Can't fiCan'te? Try searching again.
Search for what you're doing on Facebook and see what comes up. Join a page or a group there. Or, use those terms to do more of a search on Google or other platforms.
Still can't find one? Make your own and invite others. You're NOT the only one.
These resources might work for you if you're looking for funding for your business.
LoreleiSibet.com offers a Membership.
What other benefits have you found in being in a supportive community while you tried something new?
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